I have been so stressed out recently. I've been feeling really down and depressed. And i hate when people say that. I feel like they throw that word around so easily, "depressed" when really people dont even know what it's like. People just think it means feeling sad and bad about something. But honestly it's one of the worst feelings ever. It's like you're down, but cant get up and then you dont even want to anymore. It's like you're living in this little world underneath who you actually are. You want so much, but feel like everything's so far away and impossible. It's like you have so many emotions going through you that after a while you dont know what to do with them then you just end up feeling nothing because you would think it's better than feeling everything. And some times it is, but then you dont feel anything, nothing, and it's like you're not even living. What's the point. Death cant be worse than this because life is nothing. Depression makes death such a high possiblity. Being depressed just makes you think like what else could there possibly be, if i cant get out of this hole. My whole life will be in this hole of myself, this hole underneath the world. It's like you're part dead already. So you think about what you could do, what would happen if you did this or that, how you would do it, if it's worth it. And what makes everything so hard is that you dont want to be here at all, dealing with this makes life not worth living. Then you start to think about who matters to you, who would care if you were gone today, who. And then you start to feel again, and it's awful pain, horrible, you get so sad and mad at yourself for ever thinking anything like that because of the other people in your life, how selfish you would be if you were to do anything. But it's so hard to handle all the emotions because they're flooding you now. And then you go back to your comfortable numb which will just lead to this same process over and over again. And it's honest the most exhausting and disappointing life to live.