the first

Okay so here we go i guess.
Alright i feel like i need to have a venting spot, so this is what i came up with :]
I've been pretty stressed and i feel like i'm always fluctuating emotinally. The whole thing with chris is just alot to be dealing with. And finals are coming up very quickly and this sleepover party at my house is soon, and i just feel like there's always alot going on in my life.
Okay so first we'll start with chris. Me and chris did get back together, but it's not the same, i'm not going to let it be like it was before. Our relationship before was hell for both me and him. And i'm not going to lie, i'm nervous that it's not going to change. I have so much love for him, i really do, and we have something that alot of people dont have. But it's overbaring with him all the time. I always feel like i'm messing up around him and like i always have to watch what i'm doing. I just want to be comfortable you know, i want to say what i want and be happy with myself. And chris wants that too, but the way we act and the things he does sometimes, it makes me freak out and i get all scared and nervous around him. I just want us to have a normal happy relatinship. I dont want to be clingy, i dont want him to be clingy, i dont want screaming matches, i dont want any bad fights at all. I'm not that person, and i'm not going to deal with anything like that anymore. I told him that if i do go out with him again that if i feel like this isn;t working, i have to be honest, and i hope we can be friends. Because if chris is one thing, he's honest. He's not dumb, he'll know if things arn't working out. I dont want things to end on a note of us never talking again, i dont want that constant fear that the next fight we have is going to be the one where he;s going to leave me for good and never speak to me again. That's not a healthy relatinship and i'm not going to put up with that anymore, and nor should i. Chris wants nothing from me but to be myself and be honest with him. And thats what i want from me as well. So i'm just praying i can stay strong for myself.
Pheww i feel better already. So moving on, finals are coming up soon, i'm a little stressed, okay well i'm alot of stressed. I need really good grades in order to bring up my GPA in order for me to apply and make it in to the education program at central. And if i dont make it in, like i really dont know where to go from there, i have no clue really at all what would happen. So hopefully i never get to that point and i have great grades this semester. I lucked out and get done with finals on wed the 14th instead of friday the 16th. I'm mad nervous about Astronomy, but other than that, i should be good with my finals! I hope!
Now i'm having the end of school sleepover party at my new house. I'm nervous about it, but REALLY excited about it at the same time. I cant wait to see everyone and for all of us to be together! Like i love my friends, i hope there's no ridiculousness occuring like people showing up late as hell... cuz none of my friends are ever late haha.
Well i'm sick of writing, i need food.